So incredibly upset, sad, just beyond words....have been thinking I'm losing my mind...money in my purse keeps disappearing...confronted her several times and several times she lied and said she didn't take it and why didn't I believe her...tonight it was gone again...after DH confronted her she FINALLY comes up with the cash...just so flaming upset right now... I NEVER stole from anyone, not my parents, not anyone. How would you handle her punishment. Really need advice. Thanks.
WWYD? Caught my almost 8 yr. old DD lying and stealing my money!
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Re: WWYD? Caught my almost 8 yr. old DD lieing and stealing my money!
Did you ask her why she is taking the money and what she needs it for? (Not that her answers justify stealing but it may shed some light on the situation.) Or is she a pathological liar who also steals? (Sorry if this sounds harsh.) I didn't steal either because if my mother found out about it she would have had my hide and I knew it was wrong taking other people's things.
Did you ask her why she is taking the money and what she needs it for? (Not that her answers justify stealing but it may shed some light on the situation.) Or is she a pathological liar who also steals? (Sorry if this sounds harsh.) I didn't steal either because if my mother found out about it she would have had my hide and I knew it was wrong taking other people's things.
Re: WWYD? Caught my almost 8 yr. old DD lieing and stealing my money!
My DH asked her and she said her friend told her to do it...and it is so she can buy little trinkets of junk at the store...what's pathetic is that this girl has SO MUCH STUFF that she doesn't want for anything. She is spoiled by my parents, her aunts and uncles etc. etc. I just think it's so evil...DH threatened to take her down to the police dept. and report her to the police...I'm almost thinking this may be the right idea. And no I don't think you sound harsh.
My DH asked her and she said her friend told her to do it...and it is so she can buy little trinkets of junk at the store...what's pathetic is that this girl has SO MUCH STUFF that she doesn't want for anything. She is spoiled by my parents, her aunts and uncles etc. etc. I just think it's so evil...DH threatened to take her down to the police dept. and report her to the police...I'm almost thinking this may be the right idea. And no I don't think you sound harsh.
Re: WWYD? Caught my almost 8 yr. old DD lieing and stealing my money!
Do you make her pay for anything? I am guessing not but maybe she does not have enough for lunch etc? (of course she should ask Mommy for money if that is the case) I can't think of anything else she would have to pay for. Did she say why she took it?
Do you make her pay for anything? I am guessing not but maybe she does not have enough for lunch etc? (of course she should ask Mommy for money if that is the case) I can't think of anything else she would have to pay for. Did she say why she took it?
Re: WWYD? Caught my almost 8 yr. old DD lieing and stealing my money!
no, she doesn't pay for anything and always has lunch, snacks, etc.etc. see my post above.
no, she doesn't pay for anything and always has lunch, snacks, etc.etc. see my post above.
Re: WWYD? Caught my almost 8 yr. old DD lieing and stealing my money!
Does she get an allowance?
I'd punish her SEVERELY. Like painfully severely. Like she does NOTHING for DAYS. And then I'd add a few more days to it. And I would have her write until her hand was numb.
Afterwards, I would set her up with a list of weekly contributions to the family (just because she lives there) and also a list of chores she can do to earn her own money.
We are struggling with lying, too. No stealing, although I am waiting for it. I swear I frisk DD7 every time we go to a store & I load her into the car. :gah: Curious to hear others suggestions....
Does she get an allowance?
I'd punish her SEVERELY. Like painfully severely. Like she does NOTHING for DAYS. And then I'd add a few more days to it. And I would have her write until her hand was numb.
Afterwards, I would set her up with a list of weekly contributions to the family (just because she lives there) and also a list of chores she can do to earn her own money.
We are struggling with lying, too. No stealing, although I am waiting for it. I swear I frisk DD7 every time we go to a store & I load her into the car. :gah: Curious to hear others suggestions....
Re: WWYD? Caught my almost 8 yr. old DD lieing and stealing my money!
Why would you take your 8yo kid to the police over a parenting issue? The same cops that you say actively harass your husband? Excuse my french but that is just over the top ****ing stupid. Not to mention a total waste of the cops time.
This is age-typical. The cure is giving her a little spending money and making her responsible for some of her own expenses.
If she hears constant complaints/worries about money, she will be insecure about it. Being made part of the process will make her more secure.
Why would you take your 8yo kid to the police over a parenting issue? The same cops that you say actively harass your husband? Excuse my french but that is just over the top ****ing stupid. Not to mention a total waste of the cops time.
This is age-typical. The cure is giving her a little spending money and making her responsible for some of her own expenses.
If she hears constant complaints/worries about money, she will be insecure about it. Being made part of the process will make her more secure.
Re: WWYD? Caught my almost 8 yr. old DD lieing and stealing my money!
First, relax. I GET the upset. I GET the betrayal...BUT lying and stealing are common in 5-8 year old
http://www.beaumontchildrenshospital.com/advice/lying-stealing
Read through the article in the link.
Not excusng it.....but more normal than not and usually a phase. You may find some tips there too.
First, relax. I GET the upset. I GET the betrayal...BUT lying and stealing are common in 5-8 year old
http://www.beaumontchildrenshospital.com/advice/lying-stealing
Read through the article in the link.
Not excusng it.....but more normal than not and usually a phase. You may find some tips there too.
Re: WWYD? Caught my almost 8 yr. old DD lieing and stealing my money!
I took spare change from my dad's dresser when I was a kid ... :hides: I have never mentioned it to my parents but I think they knew, at least once or twice...
Our allowance was less than a dollar .... and we always had to take lunch to school, never bought lunch, so was always jealous of kids who had change for the vending machine or candy from kids who were selling for XYZ.
I took spare change from my dad's dresser when I was a kid ... :hides: I have never mentioned it to my parents but I think they knew, at least once or twice...
Our allowance was less than a dollar .... and we always had to take lunch to school, never bought lunch, so was always jealous of kids who had change for the vending machine or candy from kids who were selling for XYZ.
Re: WWYD? Caught my almost 8 yr. old DD lieing and stealing my money!
OMG! OMG! OMG!
I just read more.....your dh threatening the police??? How will your child feel she can come TO you guys in the future if she makes mistakes and needs help?
You guys have to be a safety net too.
OMG! OMG! OMG!
I just read more.....your dh threatening the police??? How will your child feel she can come TO you guys in the future if she makes mistakes and needs help?
You guys have to be a safety net too.
Re: WWYD? Caught my almost 8 yr. old DD lieing and stealing my money!
Agreed. Your child is too young to bring in the heavy.............that's just messed up.
So let's talk about this bad influence friend...................
Agreed. Your child is too young to bring in the heavy.............that's just messed up.
So let's talk about this bad influence friend...................
Re: WWYD? Caught my almost 8 yr. old DD lieing and stealing my money!
Are these behaviors deceitful or normal? Well … yes to both. Lying, stealing, and cheating are dishonest, inappropriate and deceitful, but they are also normal, at least in a statistical sense. At some time during the growing years, many kids will tell stories that range from fudging to outright fibs, borrow or actually steal others’ possessions or look at a classmate’s test for an answer or copy homework. In fact, a study of 8,600 high school students found that 71 percent admitted to cheating on at least one exam in the previous year, and 92 percent said they had lied to their parents within that same time frame.
And, these behaviors don't begin in adolescence. Children as young as 3 will take short cuts to task completion or engage in a lie or two. Let’s take a look at these not-so-charming behaviors in an effort to understand why kids of all ages can engage in deceitful conduct.
Link to this article:
http://www.today.com/id/13506442/si...t/caught-your-kid-lying-cheating-or-stealing/
Are these behaviors deceitful or normal? Well … yes to both. Lying, stealing, and cheating are dishonest, inappropriate and deceitful, but they are also normal, at least in a statistical sense. At some time during the growing years, many kids will tell stories that range from fudging to outright fibs, borrow or actually steal others’ possessions or look at a classmate’s test for an answer or copy homework. In fact, a study of 8,600 high school students found that 71 percent admitted to cheating on at least one exam in the previous year, and 92 percent said they had lied to their parents within that same time frame.
And, these behaviors don't begin in adolescence. Children as young as 3 will take short cuts to task completion or engage in a lie or two. Let’s take a look at these not-so-charming behaviors in an effort to understand why kids of all ages can engage in deceitful conduct.
Link to this article:
http://www.today.com/id/13506442/si...t/caught-your-kid-lying-cheating-or-stealing/
Re: WWYD? Caught my almost 8 yr. old DD lieing and stealing my money!
What to do:
View your child’s stealing as a teachable moment — an opportunity to instruct right from wrong. Of course, have the child return the taken object and offer an apology. In addition, use this incident to confirm your family’s code of ethics. Say, “In our family we do not steal from others. It does not matter whether the object is expensive or cheap, or whether you are taking it from a store or an individual. We are proud of our honesty, we wouldn’t want anyone to steal from us, and we expect you to behave accordingly.”
Recognize your child’s impulsive tendencies and need to fit in with the crowd — but offer reasonable, effective alternatives to stealing. Consider starting an allowance system or chore chart so that he can earn money to buy what he wants. Help him to learn how to save so that he can purchase what’s really important by budgeting his money, as well as learning to delay gratification.
What to do:
View your child’s stealing as a teachable moment — an opportunity to instruct right from wrong. Of course, have the child return the taken object and offer an apology. In addition, use this incident to confirm your family’s code of ethics. Say, “In our family we do not steal from others. It does not matter whether the object is expensive or cheap, or whether you are taking it from a store or an individual. We are proud of our honesty, we wouldn’t want anyone to steal from us, and we expect you to behave accordingly.”
Recognize your child’s impulsive tendencies and need to fit in with the crowd — but offer reasonable, effective alternatives to stealing. Consider starting an allowance system or chore chart so that he can earn money to buy what he wants. Help him to learn how to save so that he can purchase what’s really important by budgeting his money, as well as learning to delay gratification.
Re: WWYD? Caught my almost 8 yr. old DD lieing and stealing my money!
What Barb said...you have to look at the big picture in the long run...when she's 18 instead of 8, and she's in trouble (pregnant, had a car accident, got drunk at a party and needs a ride home, her ride home at a party got drunk etc.) will she feel like she can tell you?
It is unfortunately par for the course for her age. The way you handle it is what raises the stakes in the future. She needs to be held accountable and be punished, but she also has to come out the other side knowing that you and DH wouldn't turn your backs on her or throw her to the wolves for making a bad choice.
What Barb said...you have to look at the big picture in the long run...when she's 18 instead of 8, and she's in trouble (pregnant, had a car accident, got drunk at a party and needs a ride home, her ride home at a party got drunk etc.) will she feel like she can tell you?
It is unfortunately par for the course for her age. The way you handle it is what raises the stakes in the future. She needs to be held accountable and be punished, but she also has to come out the other side knowing that you and DH wouldn't turn your backs on her or throw her to the wolves for making a bad choice.
Re: WWYD? Caught my almost 8 yr. old DD lieing and stealing my money!
Take all the posters /pictures down from her room.
All of her stuffed animals away.
Find a tattered pillow case and cut a few holes out for her arms and head - and it's her new "prison clothing". Make her think she can't go to school anymore. Hard labor will be a good idea. Like stacking firewood, scrubbing a floor, there have to be some chores that need attention.
You have to let her know how much you love her and care about her, but at the same time let her know how much she has hurt you by doing this.
I am also a fan of making delinquent children write "I will not take things that don't belong to me, and I will not lie." Hundreds of times, if not thousands. It will help improve her handwriting, yet she may see the stupidity of the exercise is proportional to the stupidity of her own actions.
As Barb said, this is not uncommon behavior, but today's generation of parents frowns on a parent beating the tar out of a child who deserves it. Be smarter than your daughter - be firm, let her know it hurts you to punish her whichever way you choose.
Don't feel you are being too harsh - this is a critical lesson and it will forever affect your relationship with her. For now, you have to be the parent, not her friend.
Take all the posters /pictures down from her room.
All of her stuffed animals away.
Find a tattered pillow case and cut a few holes out for her arms and head - and it's her new "prison clothing". Make her think she can't go to school anymore. Hard labor will be a good idea. Like stacking firewood, scrubbing a floor, there have to be some chores that need attention.
You have to let her know how much you love her and care about her, but at the same time let her know how much she has hurt you by doing this.
I am also a fan of making delinquent children write "I will not take things that don't belong to me, and I will not lie." Hundreds of times, if not thousands. It will help improve her handwriting, yet she may see the stupidity of the exercise is proportional to the stupidity of her own actions.
As Barb said, this is not uncommon behavior, but today's generation of parents frowns on a parent beating the tar out of a child who deserves it. Be smarter than your daughter - be firm, let her know it hurts you to punish her whichever way you choose.
Don't feel you are being too harsh - this is a critical lesson and it will forever affect your relationship with her. For now, you have to be the parent, not her friend.
Re: WWYD? Caught my almost 8 yr. old DD lieing and stealing my money!
Don't forget to show her pictures from other cultures where thieves have their hand cut off, or liars have their tounges cut out.
Tell her it isn't so bad - other cultures accept caning.
She is getting away easy
Don't forget to show her pictures from other cultures where thieves have their hand cut off, or liars have their tounges cut out.
Tell her it isn't so bad - other cultures accept caning.
She is getting away easy
Re: WWYD? Caught my almost 8 yr. old DD lieing and stealing my money!
I didn't say don't punish. I said she shoudn't throw herself off a roof with despair (as this is normal) or her child under the bus (with authorities)
this is a TEACHABLE moment...and an important lesson. "I will not lie and steal" 1000 times sounds right to me.
Letting her feel that her parents think she is beyond parenting and should be turned over to authorities is (IMO) too far...and can turn a teachable moment into one she never forgets because her parents were overreacting.
She isn't EVIL...she is 8.
All actions have consequences....and she should know that. But she should also know no matter how much she screws up she is still loved.
I didn't say don't punish. I said she shoudn't throw herself off a roof with despair (as this is normal) or her child under the bus (with authorities)
this is a TEACHABLE moment...and an important lesson. "I will not lie and steal" 1000 times sounds right to me.
Letting her feel that her parents think she is beyond parenting and should be turned over to authorities is (IMO) too far...and can turn a teachable moment into one she never forgets because her parents were overreacting.
She isn't EVIL...she is 8.
All actions have consequences....and she should know that. But she should also know no matter how much she screws up she is still loved.
Re: WWYD? Caught my almost 8 yr. old DD lieing and stealing my money!
By her age, she has probably witnessed a lot of lying already. Think about any lying she has seen in your own home - talk behind someone else's back, etc.
She may have mis-understood normal things, but if you or DH take the easy way out too often, you have taught her she can sometimes get away with lying. And ask her about when she has seen lying.
By her age, she has probably witnessed a lot of lying already. Think about any lying she has seen in your own home - talk behind someone else's back, etc.
She may have mis-understood normal things, but if you or DH take the easy way out too often, you have taught her she can sometimes get away with lying. And ask her about when she has seen lying.
Re: WWYD? Caught my almost 8 yr. old DD lieing and stealing my money!
Washing her mouth out with soap can also help with the lying (it works for a potty mouth)
Washing her mouth out with soap can also help with the lying (it works for a potty mouth)
