When is a kid ready to go to a funeral?

[jonnysmomma]

So a you know, Pat's grandma passed away today. Jonny saw her probably once a week or more his entire life, so its hitting him hard, but he is handling this SO SO well.

My question is, how old is appropriate to take to a funeral? Pat wants him to go, but I am on the fence. I think it would be better for JUST Pat and I to take Jonny to see Great Grandma (If Jon even wants to, that is) before the funeral starts, and let him pay his respects then, that way Mommy and Daddy are both there, and if he has questions we can answer them, not someone else. Plus, he wouldnt be subjected to everyone crying and being sad...he would feed off that.

What do you think?

 

[kewpon addict]

My DD went to one when she was 4...she didn't understand but she was as quiet as she could be. Most people were super sweet to her and tried to talk and play w/her despite the sad situation...we did NOT take her up to the casket and she wasn't even curious...I personally went to my aunt's funeral at age 8 and although I was very sad it did NOT affect the memories I had of my aunt and yes I did see her body in the casket...which honestly to this day I STILL do NOT like looking at peeps in the casket...they just DO NOT look the same no matter how hard the funeral mortician tries to make them look so!

 

[Peacock76]

Very sorry to hear of Pat's grandmother passing. :huggy:

I think you know your kid better than anyone else, so you know what he can & can't handle. I think your solution is a really good one because it's controlled & you can walk Johnny through it. You can always meet up with everyone else later at the restaurant or house everyone goes too.

 

[jonnysmomma]

Very sorry to hear of Pat's grandmother passing. :huggy:

I think you know your kid better than anyone else, so you know what he can & can't handle. I think your solution is a really good one because it's controlled & you can walk Johnny through it. You can always meet up with everyone else later at the restaurant or house everyone goes too.

Yeah, I think that I will encourage Jonny paying his respects with Pat and I alone. That way, there is less outside interference and if we sense he has had too much, I can take Moose outta there.

A funny: Alice loved playing Bejeweled on her computer, and sat at her desk all day playing. When they(meaning Pats mom and grandma) watch Jonny while we work, he wants to play on the computer and Alice never let him. When we told Jonny tonight, he said that he would miss her lots, and he is sad. Then his eyes lit up and he got a devilish smile on his face and said "Maybe now I can play on her computer!!!" :lol: I love this kid.

 

[Momof2girls]

I have both of my dd at their father's wake. We were ready to take them out if needed, but they stayed the whole time. Ava was a little over 6 and Grace was a little over 3. My nephew was able to get Ava to go up to the casket. Grace was go peak up there or when no one was kneeling she would go up, it was alot of times that it was empty so she would just go hang out behind them.

I look at it this way, it isn't something that you can recreate. Dh and I had talked about wakes/funeals and he thought kids shouldn't have to go through it. He didn't like going to them himself. I would rather deal with the aftermath of seeing him then not seeing him and asking years later why they didn't get to.

 

[tnovak]

My sister died when my son was 4- he went, now he had his babysitter there to play with him, but we choose to be very honest about everything. He has been to funerals since then too. We just answered any questions he had, and did our best to talk about it.

 

[jonnysmomma]

This is the second person to pass away in Jonny's life, but the closest one to him so far. Pat's uncle Jim passed in December 2011, while Pat was in prison. Jim was cremated, and I was not comfortable explaining that to Jonny alone so I didnt take him.

I think that we will take him ourselves and gauge how he reacts. Poor little man...he crawled into bed with us early this morning and said he was sad I emailed his teacher giving her a heads up so if he needs to talk to the guidance counselor he can.

 

[DianeScraps]

Do you have a friend who can be there and available if he needs to leave? If so then I would take him.

Our youngest was 4 when she went to her first, but not someone she was close to.

I personally have a hard time with the casket thing, so I don't think my youngest has been up to a casket yet. My oldest was, at her friends funeral this past fall (he committed suicide). She was 12 at the time, but it was her choice.

 

[stazmatic]

If he was close to her he needs to go. He will probably have more questions if you don't take him then if you do.

 

[kaeg1]

I have taken my daughter to every close persons death since she was 3. She DOES know that death is a natural part of life and it is not something to be scared about. I have heard of too many kids who does not see grandma or whomever of a while and wonders when they will see them next.

 

[focadima]

I think since he knew her well it is VERY appropriate to take him to pay his respects

 

[chinamom]

We brought DD to my Dad's funeral last summer.....she was 3. My inlaws stayed with her for the wake (it was at the Church before the funeral). She did see him for a quick prayer before Mass started. During Mass a friend watched her at the Church. She was in and out of the Mass. For us it was a good choice to bring her. She was so young I didn't think she would understand what was going on. But she did. Grandpa's death was so sudden for her and the funeral helped her understand where Grandpa went. Although, for awhile she thought he was at Grandma's Church. My husband's uncle died in January and we did not take her to that funeral. She didn't know him all that well and the funeral, etc. was in MN. But, having been to a funeral so recently, she knew what had happened and that he was now happy and not hurting anymore. I would take your son, but maybe have someone available to take him for a walk, if he needs it. I am soooo sorry!