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Planned to do Christmas w/ ILs, but we are no longer invited

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My ILs live 6 hours away. When we spend holidays with them, we typically stay with them for 3 days because of the drive. She whines every time that we aren't staying long enough (we can't stay longer for many reasons).

Last year I hosted Christmas at my house, and I invited everyone from both sides of the family. Last year on Christmas Day, in front of all my family, MIL said next Christmas would be at her house. MIL & FIL were having a new house built, and she wanted the first Christmas to be in her new house. Great! Their new house was finished months ago, so we're spending this Christmas with them, right?

Not so much. Fast forward to a week ago. Mister calls his mom, and finds out that BIL may have to work the day after Christmas, not sure at this point (BIL is not Christian, but he does participate in the holiday by giving/receiving gifts on Christmas). So here's the kicker. MIL then goes on to say that she doesn't know if she will be having Christmas at her new house this year. If BIL/SIL and their 2 kids can't/won't make the drive (her daughter lives in another Chicago suburb not close to us), she won't have Christmas and implies that she will be driving the 6 hours to spend the holiday with her daughter. Mister said to her, "that's too bad; I wanted to see the new house." She then invited us to spend Thanksgiving with her (which at this point was 4 days away). Of course at that point, we already had plans for Thanksgiving, the hostess planned to feed us, and I was planning to make a few dishes to share there. Plus we have other obligations that would be difficult to get out of with 4 days notice. So mister very nicely told her no and explained why

I kind of feel like we're on a B-list.

So, what do you think? How would you feel? What would you do?
 
Thanks for the hug.

Pam it took me a minute to get your joke, but when I did I :lol:

my mom said we could go to her place. I think we will, just because we can't wait until the last minute to know if we're going out of town for the weekend due to obligations we have.

Oh and next Christmas it's back at my house. My family loves coming here. Anyone who doesn't want to come, doesn't have to, but all would be welcome.
 
Your MIL saved you a total of 12 hours of driving. I would thank her. :lol:

Enjoy your Christmas darlin'.
 
Thank you mrsmom... it hurts DH so it hurts me too. I do like my MIL aside from things like this.

MIL just called, talked to DH and MIL was all happy and chirpy. Turns out SIL/BIL decided if BIL has to work the day after Christmas, they will take 2 cars to MILs and BIL will just drive home by himself so he can get to work (I was also thinking he could take the train, but I just keep my mouth shut for the most part). So DH and I could go to MILs house after all.

She also laid a huge guilt trip on him about not seeing him enough. Somehow all her visits are planned around SIL, and by the time we're told they will be in town, we usually have plans.

DH told her we made other plans in the past week since they last talked. But he's very upset, naturally. Should we go to MILs anyway? Would you go, knowing all this?

I know we probably should go.
 
Personally, I would pass and still go to your moms. Sounds like you and DH are only invited as long as BIL and SIL are going.... why be a sidekick?? Do your own thang.... why blow off your Mom now that they have found it conveient for you to be there.....


JMO!!
 
I just called DH and told him if he really wants to go, I'll go. He seemed happy about it so it looks like probably we will go to ILs new house for Christmas. :surrender: I told him not to expect me to be enthusiastic about the new house. :pout: I hate to play into MILs manipulative tactics but I want my DH to be happy.

3 days at the ILs is better than 1 day at SILs.

Thanks for all your stories about Morocco, Barb. It helps put things into perspective. At least DH doesn't have a brother who will steal things from us like CB did from your family when you were in Morocco!!
 
This sounds very much like DH's family. He is the oldest of 4. MIL always makes plans around everyone else's schedule, especially the SIL that lives in TX. We are just expected to be available. Invitations are actually command performances. It irks me and upsets DH, but they're family, so we do our best to deal with it and not rock the boat too much. Although we do occasionally point out that we also have schedules and other parts of our lives that may conflict with plans too. (I didn't go see SIL from TX last time she was in town because MIL changed the get together date at the last minute and I had other plans...at Gurnee Mills with a bunch of other CWers!) Really no advice here. Just letting you know I know where you're coming from!
 
Thanks for letting me know I'm not the only one!! I'm sorry you have to deal with that too. I am trying SO HARD to tell DH I am ok with this when I am really very hurt and have zero desire to see them or their new house. I'm sensitive, and I come from a family of very stubborn people. Getting dissed like this is Not Tolerated in my family. It's hard to put up with this from MIL, and this isn't the first time something like this has happened.

my SIL and her DH are a piece of work. She's so self-absorbed that it's now funny to me. I used to get upset about her behavior until I decided not to take it personally and just view it as comedy. My DH loves them and forgives much more easily than I do. So in trying to be civil, I will have an earful for anyone who will listen in about 3.5 weeks so that I don't take it out on DH. :ranting:

It's not like DH is asking me to cook a lamb's head :lol: I think being cordial to peeps for 36-48 hours is easier than that.
 
I am the difficult one in my family..... O well they lub me anyways! Nice Name cahnge by the way KathyG.... LMAO! ;)
 
So I went to their house for Christmas. I made my peace with it, and for the sake of my future relationship with my in-laws, I played nice while I was there. It was ok.

Just now DH called his mom to ask if we could visit her for Mother's Day. She lives 6 hours away, so we don't normally visit for Mother's Day; I thought it would be a nice gesture, and rebuild the relationship after what happened regarding Christmas. She's always saying we should visit more so I thought it would be nice to do that for her. Anyway, DH and MIL chatted, and he found out MIL and FIL were in town, HERE, visiting her DAUGHTER (+ her DH and 2 kids) for Easter last weekend. None of them bothered to call or email my DH and ask them if we wanted to join them. MIL said she just figured we would be busy with my fam. :surrender: They also celebrated 3 birthdays while they were in town -- My BIL's and their 2 kids. I think I am most sad that we were left out of my niece and nephew's birthday parties. they are 2 and 6 now. :keeper:

All of these people are invited to my house when we have holidays. I don't like excluding anyone :surrender:
 
KathyGriffith said:
So I went to their house for Christmas. I made my peace with it, and for the sake of my future relationship with my in-laws, I played nice while I was there. It was ok.

Just now DH called his mom to ask if we could visit her for Mother's Day. She lives 6 hours away, so we don't normally visit for Mother's Day; I thought it would be a nice gesture, and rebuild the relationship after what happened regarding Christmas. She's always saying we should visit more so I thought it would be nice to do that for her. Anyway, DH and MIL chatted, and he found out MIL and FIL were in town, HERE, visiting her DAUGHTER (+ her DH and 2 kids) for Easter last weekend. None of them bothered to call or email my DH and ask them if we wanted to join them. MIL said she just figured we would be busy with my fam. :surrender: They also celebrated 3 birthdays while they were in town -- My BIL's and their 2 kids. I think I am most sad that we were left out of my niece and nephew's birthday parties. they are 2 and 6 now. :keeper:

All of these people are invited to my house when we have holidays. I don't like excluding anyone :surrender:
Click to expand...

Oh I'm so sorry. I would feel so hurt as you must. :huggy:

Why does family sometimes treat you worse than a stranger on the street? :pout:
 
Wow, that had to be traumatic. Was your husband hurt? How does he react to her behavior? I don't know how you ought to react to that except to be hurt. What a mean, mean, mean, selfish, thoughtless thing to do to her son and your family in general.


My MIL decided she did not want company on Easter, after we'd already made plans to come over. We'd said we'd bring food but she called 2 weeks in advance to tell us she didn't feel like company (?! 2 weeks later)
 
Sounds like my MIL-only mine means to be ****ty!

Sorry you are dealing with this...I remeber the days when the exclusion used to really bother me as well but 6 years (and a ton of BS later) it doesn't bother me nearly as much as it used to. And much to my surprise it doesn't really bother hubby at all-because he's so used to it :(


:huggy::huggy::huggy::huggy:
 
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