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I HAVE HAD IT! I QUIT!

HarrisFamily

HarrisFamily

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I have had it, I quit I don't want to be a mother anymore!!!!!!

Sorry but I can't take it anymore. My teenage DD16 almost 17 is driving me nuts! We have had so many issues with her over the last year and its only getting worse. I don't know what to do, I feel like I am totally loosing control. My DS's 7 and 12 are suffering because of her behavior and the choices she is making. I love all my children, but I am NOT happy with my DD right now. :hurt:

Before school started, she went to stay with my Dad and stepmother for a couple weeks. They wanted her to attend school and stay with them. She cried and cried and guilted me into coming home. It's only been a couple months and the **** has all started again. She did not want to come home to us, her family. She wanted to come home to her friends and the now 18 yr old boyfriend we have forbidden her to see.

It's all a long story but in a nut shell we have an order of protection for the next two years against her Xboyfriend who she views as still her bf. He has mentally, and PHYSICALLY abused her. He also threatened to kill her and himself when she tried to break it off with him awhile back. He has violated the order of protection twice now by giving her SIM cards to put in her cellphone to contact him and sending letters to her HS through his grandmother who works at the school. So yesterday the warrant for his arrest was issued and now he has 2 counts against him to face in court. The grandmother tried to tell my daughter that I couldn't do anything to her and she could do whatever she wanted. WELL the superintendent of the HS see's things a bit different! THANK GOD! Each time my daughter gets caught doing something wrong (and she ALWAYS gets caught), she gets soooooooo angry at us for trying to help her and make her live a good life. She turned in NOTHING (homework) in school last week and that was before any of this other stuff happened this week. She had detentions for being late to classes she did not serve and now has a Saturday and TWO more detentions to serve. OMG! She WAS an A-B student rarely got a C in any classes. Now she is barely holding on to C's and is actually failing her journalism class that she was so excited to take. She is ruining her own life and I can't seem to stop her. She constantly talks crazy to me calling me names telling me to stay out of her life etc. Tells me that she has one year left till she can leave our home and marry this ****! Before this boy my daughter was STRONG! She wanted to go to college and live alone before she met the right person and settled down. She wanted to build her career and life before any man or children would ever come into her life.

I am a VERY caring person and love most of my friend and family! I care about anyone that comes into my life, that's just how I am. My husband says just to ignore her, and not be so caring and loving to her. HOW???????????? I can't do that she's my daughter. I can't be nice when she is and mean or cold when she is being this bad teenager she has turned into, I don't work like that. I cry constantly and I think this all may ruin my marriage. She turns 18 in Dec. 2011. I don't know that I can "emotionally" or "mentally" last that long. I don't know what to do and the councelors and staff at the near by hospital are at a loss of words in what they suggest us doing. When we bring her to appointments with the phyc. and counslers she is great, well behaved, and polite. I swear I want to set up a video camera in my house so they see her the way we do. I give up, I truly can't handle much more. I am getting to the point of taking my boys and moving away.

I talked to my Dad today and BEGGED him to intervein. I can't do this anymore, we need separation between us before more damage is done. I use to always think that parents that "sent their kids away" were so mean and horrible parents. I don't think that anymore. I am trying to help my daugther and this is what NEEDS to be done. My only fear is her grades will slip even more and she will run away. But if we live together and things get worse as they always do I may be the one taking off and ruining my life I have worked so hard for...


:surrender: :surrender: :surrender: :surrender: :surrender: :surrender: :surrender: :surrender: :surrender: :surrender: :surrender: :surrender: :surrender:
 
I am so sorry you AND your family are going through this. I was that daughter when I was 17 as well. Man, I thought I knew it ALL! Without going into major details I'll tell you I ran away to be with "him" and my parents send the State Troopers after me b/c he was an "adult" and I was a child = statutory rape/kidnapping blah blah blah and I was driving their car that they "let me use" so grand theft. Awesome. They threw my **** in a rehab center (drugs and other stuff were involved - no hardcore stuff) for over a month - I almost didn't graduate HS b/c I missed so much school.

I turned my **** around quick, fast and in a hurry when I finally realized how good I had it. Not one of my shining moments as a child but I learned A LOT from it.
 
Let me also say I was also the same type of teenager as her. I THOUGHT I raised my daughter different than my mother did me. WELL?!?!?!?!? My father was not in my life, also blamed alot of my behavior on that. My daughter has two loving parents who are there for her ALL the time. She was always a bit mouthy but NEVER like this until she met this boy.

It's so heart breaking and so very sad that things have turned out this way.
 
georgie said:
OMG... This is my life a few years back!!!!!!! Same stuff with my oldest and my younger suffered b/c of it. I can't talk right now... Gonna be signing off, but I will soon love...
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Can't wait till you get back and hear what you did to SURVIVE through it!!!
 
I'm so sorry to read what you're going through. KIDS! They certainly make us crazy, don't they? I don't have any magical answers for you, but I pray that your daughter realizes what a wonderful caring mother, and family, she has, and turns her life around soon. :huggy:
 
Why do you feel that there's something wrong with you if you send your daughter to her grandparents? It's away from the bad influences and after enough time has passed will allow her to see things as they really are. (rather like addicts and alcoholics, who need a long time in rehab before they can even begin to think rationally). Let her transfer to the new school before any more time has passed, start going to dances and enjoying life as an independent young girl.
 
It is hard being a parent to a teen(s). I currently have two teen sons. My almost 19 year old is a great kid, has not caused a problem ever.....my 16 year old on the other hand, makes me want to hurt him and myself sometimes. He is starting to mellow out now, but the past 2 years with him had been a complete nightmare. He was rebelling (sp?) everything. He was mouthing off, disobeying, getting in trouble at school (mainly being disrespectful to teachers/staff).
I tried everything. Grounding him, taking away every single priviledge known to man, positive reinforcement, asking him if anything was bothering him (his response was, "yeah, you bother me"), threatening to send him to live with his grandparents out of state. I was absolutely miserable. It was a rough season for us. I think he is finally realizing that we are the parents and he is the child. We set the rules and he has to abide by them. He knows when he gets out of line there will be consequences.
I think where we finally started to get an understanding was when I told him that being a parent is not easy. It is huge responsibility and I told him that I could not live with myself if something happened to him because I was too lenient with him. I told him that I was not going to change the rules just because they made him unhappy. The rules are not set in place to make him unhappy, they are in place to keep him safe!
Hang in there, I pray that things turn around soon for you and your daughter.
 
Oh and my father and stepmother will be asking her to come visit this weekend and try to get thru to her. We need her to WANT to go live there so that things get better for her and us. We cannot make her do it, that just makes her more rebellious and our lives more crazy.
 
Babe I didn't read through the responses, but just wanted to say that me and my Mom were on pretty rocky ground for several years when I was a teen through my very early 20's. I didn't appreciate her and she didn't trust me (faults we both know now). BUT soon after this period we became very close and are still very close.

Hang in there. :huggy:
 
I was sooo that kid, dating older men, boys that where no good, ditching class, hated school, doing drugs,dropped out JR year,yelled all the time,staying out for days on end. All I can say is the more my mom stepped in and tried controlling or tried to show me the light the worse things would get. Now that I am older I have a good relationship with her and with kids of my own I now understand what I put her through. I shortly turned around about the time I was 20. I can say now I think the problem was I had no direction, I didn't see a main goal in my life at that age. When you don't have a path in front of you its very easy to loose your direction.
All I can say is good luck, hang in there and one day it will get better. She will not always be this screaming horrible teenager :)
 
And just wanted to add another thing............as a kid I never thought about the things I said, but took my mother's words sooo horribly. Looking back I still don't really remember how terrible I know I was or what I said, but I can still remember the very few times my Mom said something hurtful.....granted she was prolly at the end of her rope, but as a kid I was so shocked that she would be so "mean" (which I know I deserved).

My point? Be the Mom......don't come down to a teen's level of hurtful words and insults. It will be sooooo hard when she's being a **** I know. As that rude-**** daughter, I can tell you.....it will only help your cause. ;) She'll come around that much sooner. If you engage in a battle.......it will not end well or quickly.
 
I'm so sorry to hear what your family is going thru - It's nice that you wrote about it - hopefully it helps you vent -- It's so hard being a parent and knowing what to do and what not to do.

I know for sure just by reading your post that You are already doing the best you can - You love your kids and your family.

sending you many hugs -- and wishing that things will balance out soon.
:huggy::huggy:
 
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