Note: as far as I'm aware, the "friendzone" has two, very distinct meanings. I believe this thread is referring to the friendzone as a noun, which is a theoretical region of your mind where you keep friends you have no physical attraction to. The other meaning of friendzone is as a verb, where a guy wants to date a girl, but the girl views him as a friend.
Obviously, the friendzone exists. As a guy, most of my friends have been other guys. However, I would never date any of them, because I'm straight.
However, I have some other things to say. So, here it goes...
Another note: for purposes of simplicity, I am assuming a male/female relationship, and that the male is the one being friendzoned. Females can be friendzoned too, obviously, but since that doesn't seem to happen as often, I will avoid speaking of such scenarios to avoid confusion. Please note that the roles can easily be reversed, and often are.
The problem that I'm noticing is that a lot of "nice guys" aren't actually nice guys.
The guys who complain about being friendzoned aren't usually nice guys. They claim to be, but it's more or less a deceptive plot to get what they want, depending on how you look at it.
However, to understand why so many guys complain about being friendzoned, it is imperative to consider why a guy would set himself up to be in such a situation.
In any circumstance, rejection isn't easy to deal with. If you put in an application for a job and get denied, it sucks. Ultimately, it means you aren't skilled enough. If you apply to a college and get rejected, it also sucks - it's the same situation, basically.
But when it comes to asking out a girl, it's even worse. If you get rejected, it's not because your skills in a specific area aren't good enough. It's because you, as a person, are not up to the other person's standards.
Considering that, a lot of guys have a fear of being rejected, and certainly not without reason. Their solution is simple: guys think they can befriend the girl, and she will see him as being a guy worthy of her attention.
It seems like an attractive idea, especially for the ones who lack the confidence with women to begin with.
As I imagine it, that's what causes most of the complaining. In many cases, guys step into friendzone territory because they know they're not the most attractive, athletic, or outgoing. They want to impress the girl by being nice, and they hope the girl sees him as a person worthy of dating.
Now, imagine that the guy spent a few months getting to know the girl, before he feels comfortable telling her about her feelings. When a girl says, "let's just be friends," what she essentially means is "I'm not interested in you romantically."
So, from the guy's perspective, everything he was trying to avoid suddenly escalates out of proportion. Not only is he rejected, but he is rejected by someone who he thought appreciates him for who he actually is.
For someone who doesn't have much self esteem to begin with, I can't imagine that would be easy to deal with. It's no surprise guys who are friendzoned tend to make such statements about the opposite gender. Quite simply, it's because they're covering up their own insecurities.
Now, I'm not going to claim that girls have an obligation to love every guy who is nice to them - that would be impossible. It makes no sense, and a truly nice guy would respect the females decision to just be friends.
However, the way I see it, is that if the friendzone situation has not been handled properly, the relationship wouldn't have worked out to begin with. Relationships are mutual, and empathy is required from both parties.
In many cases, a guy will separate himself from the girl, thus ending the friendship. This is because it is very difficult for a guy to be around a girl who he is attracted to, when the attraction is not reciprocated.
I totally understand why the female would be offended by such a situation. If a guy does that, it essentially means he only wanted her for the sex, and not as a friend. In such a case, the friendship is ruined entirely.
But that isn't necessarily true. Stereotypically, many girls spend quite a bit of time thinking about their crushes, or guys in general. Often times, when guys are complaining about being friendzoned, it's because the girl knowingly talks about other guys in front of the guy who likes her. In that case, I, personally, do not believe the girl is being a good friend.
In order for a friendship to survive through such a situation, the guy must understand that the girl is not obligated to reciprocate his attraction. He should not pressure her into doing so, in any way. The simple fact of the matter is that not all love is reciprocated, and after all, that's what makes reciprocated love as special as it is.
But, on the flip side, I think a girl should not talk about her love life in front of a guy she rejected. That's not what friends do, to put it simply.
If a guy asks you out and you don't find him romantically attractive, but you still want him as a friend, don't hesitate to tell him that. Just keep in mind that as humans, we all interpret bad news with much more intensity than good news. Any guy is going to be upset in such a situation.
The solution? The girl should tell him why she wants to keep him as a friend. She should make sure he knows that although she isn't attracted to him, he still has a meaningful place in her life.
Of course, this is mostly all based on theory, with little practice in reality, but still.
