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missysid

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Has anyone dealt with child support issues by chance? What happens when a parent refuses to pay ANYTHING?

Sorry don't really want to post everything on open board.... Hoping someone that has been this road might PM. I am looking for any advice I can get at this moment.

Thanks
 
Temporary child support is different than final child support. As in, it is much easier to duck paying while getting divorced before final orders are entered.

You should not be doing child support by agreement at this time. Have your attorney file the motion to have the statutory rate of child support garnished from his wages by the state disbursement unit. Then he cannot "refuse" to pay.

If he should be paying temporary house bills, etc that are not child support, he can duck that pretty much forever. You take care of these issues in your final split of marital assets. If you are disposing of marital property (you mentioned farm equipment) then you should be taking what he is "supposed to be" paying for house bills out of the proceeds of those sales. He will be upset, so keep good records, but this is very possibly the only way you will get that $. BUT have your lawyer file the correct stuff for CS so it simply comes out of his check. Don't mix CS with "house bills," they are not the same and are not seen as the same by the court.

If there is an order for child support entered correctly (your lawyer will know how) he cannot duck paying child support so long as he has wages. His employer must collect and send the support $ to the state disbursement unit or face stiff penalties.

PM if you want but sometimes getting this info into the public view really can help other people, too.

:hug:
 
And I have to say that very often I am an extremely rational, tactical thinker but if say ~ I had a deadbeat crazy stalking ex that refused to pay a pitiful amount of CS (think less than the cost a dinner for 2 and a night at the movies) and say ~ I lived in a small town I would be sorely tempted to MOTHERFUCK HIM ALL OVER TOWN and tell everyone I know just what a prince he is, making me stay up all night watching the road and scrape for bill money while he prances around with his affair ****.

But that is just me :)

I am SO frustrated for you!
 
I'm not the guru that Kathy is, but if you have the option, garnish his wages. It will require some paperwork, but it totally takes the random factor out of it. He works, you get your money.
 
Many jobs ago I used to process the garnishment paperwork in my payroll department. It's quite common for people to have their exs wages garnished. There is no stigma attached to it, it just is done.

My SIL said it provided much relief to her since she never knew when a check would show up or how much it would be.
 
Barb09 said:
You don't have to be on Public Aid or anything for their help.
Click to expand...

Nope. The SDU is very helpful. But often when divorce cases are in the early stages, lawyers try to do "agreed orders" for issues like temporary support and that's where it gets derailed. Getting an order for support will go a long way toward removing the personal feelings from this issue.

In a perfect world, as soon as someone files for divorce a CS order would be set to be collected through SDU, but that's not usually how it works. It typically goes thru a process of temporary orders first. Frustrating.
 
Long-term, if he is truly determined to be an ****, watch out for him trying to work off-books or job-hopping so much that the garnishment doesn't start until he's moved on to something else. I have a friend who moved from SC to MA to get away from her deadbeat ex (court approved). He's been jailed twice and just keeps job-hopping to avoid paying for his son. (Yet still won't relinquish his parental rights so her BF can adopt the boy.)
 
frugalcook said:
Long-term, if he is truly determined to be an ****, watch out for him trying to work off-books or job-hopping so much that the garnishment doesn't start until he's moved on to something else. I have a friend who moved from SC to MA to get away from her deadbeat ex (court approved). He's been jailed twice and just keeps job-hopping to avoid paying for his son. (Yet still won't relinquish his parental rights so her BF can adopt the boy.)
Click to expand...


That is why it is SO important to have an actual child support order rather than agreed orders. Once the amount is set, it WILL NOT be changed even if the payer quits/is fired/whatever. To change the amount the payer has to file motions, prove they are not able to find employment at their previous wage, etc. The system is set up this way precisely to stop people from purposely being unemployed or under-employed to avoid paying CS.

This is a very true concern for many many (non-deadbeat) dads who were for example union tradesman (making upward of $40 an hour straight time and all the OT they wanted) and had their CS set at that rate yet when the market died and there are no union jobs to be had at anywhere near those wages, it is close to a 2-year process to get CS adjusted (if it can even BE done, IL is very difficult to get this changed) and all the while the same amount of CS is being garnished no matter their wage rate NOW, it is based on what it was THEN. If the full amount owed cannot be garnished it piles up in arrears, and tax returns are taken to satisfy it and in extreme cases parents have gone to jail over it.

Anyway, CS order, first thing! Right away! No other single document eases MORE tension in the divorce process than this document. If a CS order is in place, there is no argument. Money comes out of the check, it is delivered, end of story. "Temporary Orders" simply draw out the "negotiation" and children go without the support that they need.
 
Slightly OT, I had a friend I worked with that was having problems with the mother of his daughter and wanted to do the right thing.
So they go to court so that child support would be taken from his check.
Then (before any deductions come out) they decide to get married.
Then the deductions start coming out and find out it takes 60-90 days to go from his check to her bank account. :faint:
 
With us (we receive from DHs ex) it comes to us one week after it is taken from her check. No lag.

It is supposed to be collected and remitted to the state very, very quickly.

Crazy!
 
60-90 days! Holy cow. Thank you all for the information and suggestions here. I have been on the phone today and hope to get the ball rolling. If he won't do the right thing I will do the legal route.

Some of the post here made me smile with how um "honest" they were. Some days I would love to do just what was described.
 
skincarekathy said:
With us (we receive from DHs ex) it comes to us one week after it is taken from her check. No lag.

It is supposed to be collected and remitted to the state very, very quickly.

Crazy!
Click to expand...

missysid said:
60-90 days! Holy cow. Thank you all for the information and suggestions here. I have been on the phone today and hope to get the ball rolling. If he won't do the right thing I will do the legal route.

Some of the post here made me smile with how um "honest" they were. Some days I would love to do just what was described.
Click to expand...


SORRY!! :flowers:

I sould have mentioned that this was about 20 years ago. :lol:
 
Don't make the mistake of thinking he will pay you directly, you want garnishment. When I got divorced he made the first payment and then zippo. I blew $1,200 in legal fees trying to get the garnishment in order, he quit his job....managed to get unemployment anyway (they don't garnish UI benefits). After a while I realized it was throwing good money after bad to try to chase him. We split everything down the middle now (mostly) we make adjustments based on ability to pay and sometimes "borrow" against each other....I may pay $400 for something if he doesn't have his half and he'll pay me back or he'll have to cover my $200 of the next thing etc.

MOST of the time it works. Last week wasn't one of those times and I'm out for his head on a platter :lol:

In your situation, less contact is better so garnishment is the way to go. Hope things get better for you soon!! :huggy:
 
I'm with everyone else. Don't try to "work things out" with him on a personal basis or through lawyers.

Insist on garnishment. I have had years of problems and I still believe this system is best. I am on both sides (paying CS for DSD and - not- receiving CS for DS16) but its 100 percent better that it's set through the state.
 
Garnishment takes out all the "ifs". For DD15 I have a garnishment in place. It was a simple process. I filled out the paperwork through DHS online. I was sent a letter with my appt. date/time. I went to that with the requested paperwork. A court date was scheduled about 4 months after filing the initial documents. In the meantime, her father paid no support but once the order was in place arrears(from the filing date) were added on.

On the flip side, for my three littles my ex & I have a set arrangement between ourselves. It's been successful so far(over two years without issue), but it takes trust. Different people/circumstances require different responses.
 
Well he did not like that step at all. Having some issues now with him trying to get even by making me sell more equipment and the home. Well if he was paying anything towards any of it I might be able to see his point. Not the case.

LOL he has started a rumor now I am the one having an affair. Laughable at best. He claims he knows I have someone staying at the house overnight with DS there. UM HECK NO! I took a vow and stand by that vow. Everyone in town knows that is not me at all and I would NEVER do that to DS. But go ahead say what you want. Only helping yourself show people the real you.

DQ (drama queen) can cool his heels and stop the games. I am doing this the legal way and only playing by the rules set in place by the law. He can continue to play the games, try to get me in trouble, and tell people whatever he likes. My true friends know the truth. And best of all lots of people in town know the truth after he violated the OP! Can't argue with what 4 police officers have to say :)
 
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