Losing a loved one.

[Nilla]

Hey guys.

I found out some very fresh.. but bad news this morning. I am not sure if this is the right forum to post it in, but it seems fitting enough.

Anyways:

My grandmother (father's mother) has always been the strongest one in our family. She was the one who would always encourage her grandchildren to do new things, she would ALWAYS organize family holiday get togethers, and what not. She is such a gossip queen, though she has never been the one to give up on anything. Or, admit things she doesn't like. But now, out family is going to lose her. Very soon actually.

Off and on since a few summers ago, my grandmother was diagnosed with lung cancer. She had her first chemo treatments, and behold, she got better. But it wasn't the end. The cancer just kept leaving and coming back, leaving and coming back. She has been putting up one hell of a fight. And I am very proud of her. She has survived it so many times, becasue she is such a strong woman.

As of right now, my grandmother is getting ready to pass away. Last summer the doctors yet again caught more cancer cells and she went through even more chemo. She kept going through her daily treatments and started to feel better, but then she got sick again. Unfortunately, cancer is claiming yet another life. She was put on oxygen, and was still having cancer treatments and IVs daily to keep her going. She is very immobile now. She cannot do anything on her own. She needs help getting up, walking into her house, and even getting in and out of her truck.

So, this morning I was IMed on Facebook by my Uncle, who got a call from my grandmother. My grandmother is giving up her fight to cancer becasue she is just sick of this life and needing help to do everything. (She is very independant) I guess one can only fight for so long, and you just basically get burnt out and give up. So she is not getting anymore treatments, she is off her IVs and Hospice is coming to her house to make sure she is comfortable before she passes on. Without her daily treatments, she does not have very long. It all depends on her body.

How am I coping with this? Well, I am rather proud of myself for taking it so well. I am though, in complete shock. So shocked I can't even cry and I feel like a total jerk for not crying about it. I have never lost a family member that was so close to me. I haven't lost a family member period. I am preparing myself for the loss. I called her this morning and told her I loved her and I will miss her so much. My mother is taking me and my siblings to see her..maybe for the last time, I don't know. But it just doesn't seem real at all. I mean, it seemed like just yesterday I was in her truck, eating cheese crackers while she was taking me to my horseback lessons. It seems like just yesterday my brother and I were in her truck with her and my grandfather riding to the lake eating McDonald's and listening to country music. How can such an independant and strong woman like my grandmother, suddenly give up and get ready to die? I can't even imagine my life without her.

I will always remember my grandmother. Her and I have/had a great relationship. She loved all of us. She loves my sibilings and she still loves my mother. She basically took care of my mother when she met my dad when she was a kid. She loves her three sons; my dad and two wonderful uncles. She has always given me really nice gifts. I would always get so excited becasue she always would get me a Lion King goodie here and there. She got me half my Lion King things. But that isn't just what I care about. She is/was so very loving towards me and my family. I will always remember the good times I had with her. I know she will want me to remember that. And when she does pass on, she will be watching over her whole family.

I just needed to write about it, and maybe have a little support. Because after this shock is gone and she really has passed away, I am going to cry rivers. ;_;

 

[Sophie]

Like I said before, don't waste time. Go spend time with her and create the last memories you can. She loves you and doesn't want to upset you, so try not to be upset around her. But I do think you should have a wee cry, just let it all out. You'll feel a lot better, trust me. Stay strong and talk to me whenever you want. I don't care if you talk to me for hours upon hours, I want to be here for you. If you need a shoulder to cry on. ^^ We love you, and want you to be happy. Everyone goes through this pain, losing a loved one. I myself have not went through it yet but I know I will one time in my life. I know a lot of people will be better help because they've went through this too but I hope I can be here for you all the same. Stay strong. Don't ever lose hope. <3

 

[Wizard]

[MENTION=1445]LionFace[/MENTION]. Thank you for caring and sharing. She sounds like a wonderful person. I am a lot older than you and have lost both my parents as well as quite a few friends so please allow me to help if I can.

From hearing about the lady I am sure of one thing, and that is she would wish for you to not grieve too much and be happy in your life, treasuring the moments you have shared together.

Please do try your best to spend a little time with her as it will be good for you both.

Sadly in life these things do happen, and you can be a little reassured that she is going to a better place where she will for ever be free from pain.
In the future you will be with her again on the other side and the intervening years will be as a small blink in time.

There will be a time for grief. Now is a time to be strong and help her to pass over knowing she is loved.

There comes a time when she will wish to pass over and be with her loved ones in another realm, this will be easier if she feels happy knowing you are strong and can cope.

I wish you both all the best and you both will be in my prayers. You will get over it, although you will never lose your respect and love for this lady.

As for the pain of loss please remember that " This too shall pass"

May your god hold you both gently in the palm of his hands.

 

[Nilla]

[MENTION=1253]Wizard[/MENTION]. Thank you so much for your support. I am very sorry to hear about your losses. But nonetheles, that post helped me so much. Thank you very much, it made me smile and feel a bit better about this situation!


And thank you to you too, Sophie! For here and MLKF.

 

[lauren]

I'm so sorry to hear this I have two family members who have had cancer and its really really rough. I can only suggest you enjoy the time you have with her and try to keep it light and happy, she'll want to know you'll all be happy.
If there's anything I can do please let me know and I wish her, you and your family all the best <3

 

[Smooth]

@LionFace
I know exactly how you feel. My Granny was the coolest, hippest, most with it, independent, ****-kicking, tough old bird anyone could ever hope to meet. When she passed on about 10 years ago, I knew the world would never be the same without her. Not only wouldn't it be the same, it would suck a bit more than it already did. I was right.
It seems to me that your Grandma was a bit like my Granny, the way you speak of her. I can only tell you what I know about how I handled her death, and hope you can take some comfort from it.
Granny fought her own battle with cancer for several years. She would joke about it (usually only with me, because we have the same sort of morbid sense of humor) and talk about how It (the **** cancer) couldn't take her out when the doctors said it would because she was way too tough and mean to let some stupid disease take HER out! She was a true hard-****, too. Once she beat the cancer in one area of her body, It would try to take her down by attacking another part. Each time, she kicked the **** out of It, and she won several times.
The last time It came on her we spent some time together, and she told me that this was the time she was going to "let It win". She wasn't going to fight any more. She said she'd had a wonderful life; she got to see all kids grow up into wonderful people, she got to see all her grandchildren married, she even got to know her great-grandchildren pretty well. Her marriage had been wonderful (she was proud of the fact that her and my Gramps had been married for 67 years), she loved the work she did, she was a success. And now, she felt it was more dignified to choose for herself when she would pass on; not to allow the cancer to choose when it took her out, but that she fought it for as long as she did, then it was up to HER to finally pass on. She felt it was her decision - not the decision of the disease. She didn't want to be kept alive by machines, with her family visiting her in a sterilized, institutionalized, depressing place like a nursing home. That it was undignified.
She got to see all of her family, tell them everything she wanted to say to them, and leave the mortal world on her own terms.
She died peacefully, in her own home, next to her husband, just as she wanted it.
I still talk to her. I think of her every day, I believe she is in a better place, and that she is happy. I also believe I will see her again when I die. I believe she watches out for me still, and her influence will always be with me.
For as much as it sucks, your loved ones passing on is just a part of life, and you will handle it. And however you handle it is the right way. Just because you haven't shed a tear about your Grandma, that doesn't mean you don't feel anything about it. Don't try to force some reaction that you or other people think is the "proper" reaction. You feel what you feel when you feel it, and how you react to it is just how you react to it. There is no rule book about how to feel or act or be in ANY situation, let alone losing someone you love. Just love her while you have her, and keep on loving her and telling people about her. Keeping our loved ones alive in spirit by sharing what they were is the best way to honor them.

 

[Danielle]

My grandma died this past October after an 18 month battle with glioblastoma, the most aggressive form of brain cancer. She sounds a lot like your grandma! She was strong, independent, loved to help and encourage others, and was healthy as an ox before the cancer hit her. She went through multiple rounds of chemo and radiation as well and despite her will to live, it all became too much for her and she gave up. She'd come to terms with the fact that she was not getting any better and knew it was her time to go!

It was honestly one of the hardest things our family has had to deal with. The cancer came suddenly and progressed quickly. It really took us all by surprise. It is so hard to watch someone you love struggle, especially if you're really close to them. Just remember that by her giving up, she's more than likely at peace with her decision and will no longer suffer.

Enjoy your last bit of time with her. My advice is to laugh with her during the good times and be her shoulder to cry on and support her during the bad times! If you ever want to talk about it, my PM box is open!