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got2crazykids

Great paper caper, dumpster diving edition 1.0
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ok so DSS18 calls me from school at 3:30 and says 'I need to go shopping for tomorrow' I asked him didnt you get something for your g/f yesterday shopping with your dad he says 'yeah that for T....I need something for A' I told him thats not cool your going out with another girl.....

my thing is he used to date A and he even lost 'it' to her........I dont think he should be getting anything for an ex when he has a current g/f espcially if they were intimate so I told him just to come home not to buy another present and now hes pissed...........I dont care that hes pissed just if Im wrong also he doesnt have anymore spending money left hed have to use bill money and he hasnt paid his bills yet
 
Uh, no way dude.

If he wants to be a big boy and be a player or whatever, he needs to find his own way to go about doing it. Don't take him to buy an ex a gift when he has a current g/f. Tell him you're his mom and you don't believe in treating women that way, and you will not take him shopping.
 
mrsred1 said:
Uh, no way dude.

If he wants to be a big boy and be a player or whatever, he needs to find his own way to go about doing it. Don't take him to buy an ex a gift when he has a current g/f. Tell him you're his mom and you don't believe in treating women that way, and you will not take him shopping.
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:shesaid:

Also have your DH talk to him about being a good man, not a playah.
 
I honestly dont know........one of my big stumbling block is that he spent all $30 of his spending money at a rave and now he wants to get $10 more out of his account when he hasnt paid for insurance or his gym membership............were going to talk about it with DH when he gets home
 
At least he's not suggesting taking one or both of them for a ride in his truck for Valentine's Day! :roll:
 
Is the insurance for his car/truck? If so, does he want to continue to drive? If yes, then make him write the check for insurance now. Does he really want to continue going to the gym? If so, make him write a check for the gym. Then he can decide what he wants to do after that.
 
Sorry I disagree with Barb.

Yes he can spend his money any way he wants but parents can still give advice when needed, and this calls for some parental counseling. And she shouldn't take him to buy it.
 
Ultimately, it is his decision, and you can't stop him, but if you take him to get the 2nd girl a gift, or give/lend him money to do so, it gives the impression that you condone his behavior. Voicing your opinion to him shows him that you care about what he does, and you care whether he makes bad decisions or not.
 
DSS understands how I feel he and his father talked it over his father texted me and told me to let him go shopping.................so I went and said 'your father said to let you go shopping' DSS replied 'I dont think I will'

which is so typical
 
mrsred1 said:
this calls for some parental counseling. And she shouldn't take him to buy it.
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Agreed, boys learn how to treat women from their parents. You have to tell him its not right to do that. IMHO its your obligation as a mother to teach your son how to treat women....his future girlfriends will thank you :lol:
 
A word of caution, if DSS is going to bootcamp, I hope he didn't spend a lot. DSS will be gone and T will find someone else to 'fill the void'. Been thru that with nephew.
 
Barb09 said:
He can risk his life for our country.....but not pick how to spend his money?

my bad
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I'm sorry. I was just speaking from experience with my nephew.....spent lots on a Val. Day gift, and while he was gone, she was banging some other dude.....like this news wasn't going to get back to him??? He was ignorant, she was stupid.
 
I don't care how old my kids are... if they wanna do something that I think is stupid and/or inappropriate and/or whatever I'm willing to make a real issue about, I'm gonna tell them so..... cause I'm the mom and I have more years of real life experience than they do..... i think they'll still have plenty of other opportunity to make mistakes of their own :lol:
 
I think it also depends on your relationship with the child and how deeply you feel about whatever it is they're going to do too.

I didn't LIKE it when 20yoDD went sky diving for her birthday :gah: , but I didn't tell her she couldn't

On the other hand, there are things I've told her she can't do..... but I explain my why's and why nots, throw in an "absolutely not!" and that's it !

Part of the whole parent/child relationship is knowing which battles to pick too...
 
Barb09 said:
Last one for me....

what is being taught (imo) is NOT to tell mom what you intend to do. Had he just managed to get out with a buddy or lied and otherwise convinced you to take him out...he would be making his own decision.

Next time....he will know better than to share his intention with his SM.
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I have a hard time with this one because dont we run that risk with every time we try to "parent"? Sure we dont want them to hide things from us, but does that mean we have keep quiet about everyone of their bad choices? I fail to see how that is parenting. IMO of course :) I do not have a teenage son so cannot directly relate but speaking generally as a parent I think it is my job to teach my kids the right way to act no matter how old they are. Just because he is old enough to vote and fight for his country doesnt mean he is too old for his mother to tell him hes acting like an **** and she's not having it.
 
Barb09 said:
Your oldest is like 5, right?

Not that it disqualifies you from answering....but I do want to suggest your answer may change in 13 years.
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Wow that was a little offensive.

Yes DD is 4 1/2. I do know my opinions on things will change with time.

I don't think this would be one of those things.
He wants to buy two?
He's gonna hear my opinion. I believe in respectful relationships regardless if it's an 18 year old or 80 year old. Part of parenting is guiding them towered that way.

Would I forbid it? No, never said that. But I wouldn't take him shopping!! If he chooses to do something I don't approve of, he needs to find away without my help.
 
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